Ally's #6: The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero

Jim and I picked up this book based on the recommendation of the equipping pastor at our church. This weekend, we'll be attending a course called "Geography of the Soul" that uses this text as a jumping off point for discussion on emotional health as a key ingredient to spiritual maturity and genuine discipleship. The author, Peter Scazzero, nearly lost his wife, family, and church by constantly looking "outward and upward" rather than inward into the depths of his own issues. He writes out of his own experiences and weaves refreshingly honest stories of his failures throughout each chapter.

The basic premise of the book is this:

Many are supposedly 'spiritually mature' but remain infants, children, or teenagers emotionally. They demonstrate little ability to process anger, sadness, or hurt. They whine, complain, distance themselves, blame and use sarcasm--like little children when they don't get their way. Highly defensive to criticism or differences of opinion, they expect to be taken care of and often treat people as objects to meet their needs. Why? The answer is what this book is about. The roots of the problem lie in faulty spirituality, stemming from a faulty biblical theology.

While the book is written from a pastor's point of view and directed at those who are leaders within the church, the material is valuable for anyone in the church involved in discipleship (which should be everyone). For the first few chapters, Scazzero lays out the issue of emotional health within the church and pleads for change. Before diving into his seven principles of an emotionally healthy church, he offers a five page inventory to determine where one might fall on the scale of emotional maturity: emotional infant, emotional child, emotional adolescent, emotional adult. It was a good punch in the gut, and it was spot on. Here's where I scored:

Emotional Adolescent: I don't like it when others question me. I often make quick judgments and interpretations of people's behavior. I withhold forgiveness to those who sin against me, avoiding or cutting them off when they do something to hurt me. I subconsciously keep records of the love I give out. I have trouble really listening to another person's pain, disappointments, or needs without becoming preoccupied with myself. I sometimes find myself too busy to spend adequate time nourishing my spiritual life. I attend church and serve others but enjoy few delights in Christ. My Christian life is still primarily about doing, not being with Him. Prayer continues to be mostly me talking with little silence, solitude, or listening to God.

Ouch. What's even sadder is that I actually patted myself on the back a little for scoring in the top 75%.

Principle #1 is looking beneath the surface--developing an awareness of what we're feeling and doing, asking ourselves why, examining these answers in light of the gospel, and then tearing down the facade that masks who we really are. Principle #2 is breaking the power of the past--identifying how we are shaped by our families, discerning the major influences in our lives, allowing the gospel to "re-parent" us, and recognizing that everyone brings their own baggage to the table. This section sparked some particularly good contemplation and conversation in our home. Principle #3 is living in brokenness and vulnerability--understanding that weakness automatically became part of our lives through the Fall, accepting whatever "thorn in the flesh" we've been given as God's perfect will, and recognizing that vulnerability starts with the pastor. If the leadership hides their weaknesses, so will the congregation.

Principle #4 is receiving the gift of limits. As a person who likes to have ten thousand things on my plate and then wonders why I feel overwhelmed, this chapter was especially helpful. The chapter focuses on Jesus' embracing of human limitations and poses questions to help the reader discern their own limitations based on their personality, season of life, physical capacities, etc. Principle #5 is embracing grief and loss. The author lost me a bit in this chapter, but these lines did sink in:

I used to believe that grieving was an interruption, an obstacle in my path to serve Christ. In short, I considered it a waste of time...I resisted stopping from all my busy activity [because] I did not want to face the sadness that was waiting for me.

Principle #6 is making the incarnation your model for loving well, which, the author argues, can only be done if progress is made in the first five principles. Scazzero focuses heavily in this chapter on active listening, though he refers to it as "incarnational" listening. I'm not really sure why he felt the need to rename it, but whatever. Principle #7 is slowing down to lead with integrity.

How often do we hear the world encouraging us to "slow down," or to follow any of these principles, really? What I hear it saying is "put your best foot forward," it's the "survival of the fittest," and it's okay to use people as a "means to an end." We enjoy watching shows like Jerry Springer and The Real Housewives of L.A. because their problems make us feel better about our problems, and we can continue fooling ourselves into thinking that perfection and strength can be attained (or at least we can appear to have attained them). I will end my mini-rant here, because no one says it better than God:

Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. ~1 Cor 3:18-19a

Buddy's #8 Whole

Wholly guacamole what a disappointing book.

Buddy's #7 Silent Sales Machine

I am always amazed out how many different ways people make a living online. Though I would never use most of the income streams that the author refers to I really enjoyed the quick read and that thoughts that it stirred in me.

One of his current income streams is using Amazon FBA to deliver everything for him so that he doesn't have to do the work and he hired an Indian at $3 an hour to manage his inventory. Genius.

Probably the hottest thing write now is building businesses that help offline businesses get more customers and Jim pushes the site that he helped develop that helps normal people do just that.

If you are looking to make income online this is a good book to get you started. It doesn't have step by step instructions but gives you a good overview of how to get started and can help you think about what direction you would want to head.

Buddy's #6 Strenthening the Soul of Your Leadership

Books on the soul are always a little bit hard for me to get through. Though I often mock 21 laws to this, 7 steps to that and 4 secrets for success in your field, I love the simplicity of the thought that there really are 21 laws, 7 steps or 4 secrets.

That said I really did enjoy the book and think it is a great read for anyone who has been in Christian leadership for 10+ years.

Ruth Haley Barton, takes the life of Moses and walks us through his leadership and walk with God. She does a great job of pulling out principles without stretching the story as told in Scripture. On a side note, I was told by a counselor that he had come up with the concepts in her book a long time ago but she had been able to market them better. ;-)

At the end of leading people for 40 years Moses is not able to enter into the promise land. I have often that that seemed like a huge punishment for what seemed to be a small sin. Barton speaks to that in a way that made sense and also challenged me in my own life.

This part of Moses' story does speak to the fact that when you choose the spiritual life the stakes get higher and higher. Behavior and attitudes that were good enough last year may not be good enough this year. A level of integrity that was good enough for one level of spiritual leadership disappoints others and yourself as you move into greater responsibility. There is a peace on this path and very deep rewards, but there is an even greater need to live authentically and more given over to grace. The more spiritual the destination the greater the the importance of our character and utter responsiveness to God in the journey is.

He no longer needed any role or responsibility or task to define him....And this is what I have come to see most clearly in the life of Moses: for Moses the presence of God was the Promised Land. Next to that, everything else had already paled in significance.

Mark's #3 - The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

In my continuing pursuit to recapture the english education I intentionally ignored growing up, I decided it was time to read this paragon of American literature.

As I see it, The Great Gatsby is a novel about the vacuous life of the social, political, and financially elite citizens of New York during the 'roaring twenties'.  It was a time of peace (after world war I) and prosperity.  With the right connections in the underground world of bootlegging (this was the time of prohibition) Penniless nobodies like Jay Gatsby could reinvent themselves to become socialite millionaires.  Yet, in spite his lavish parties,  grand mansion, and overly smooth demeanor (he calls everyone 'old sport'),  there is evident angst, loneliness, and unrequited love stirring in his soul.

No doubt Fitzgerald's ability to paint vivid word pictures, coupled with his keen insights into the human condition are, like other great works, the leading factors which have led to the appropriate description of 'classic literature'.  It's paragraphs and sentences like this one which made this book thoroughly enjoyable:

"This is a valley of ashes--a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges and hills and grotesque gardens; where ashes take the forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke and, finally, with a transcendent effort, of men who move dimly and already crumbling through the powdery air. Occasionally a line of gray cars crawls along an invisible track, gives out a ghastly creak, and comes to rest, and immediately the ash-gray men swarm up with leaden spades and stir up an impenetrable cloud, which screens their obscure operations from your sight."

or this one:

"With every word she was drawing further and further into herself, so he gave that up, and only the dead dream fought on as the afternoon slipped away, trying to touch what was no longer tangible, struggling unhappily, undespairingly, toward that lost voice across the room."

In sum, as I read this book and now have read several other classics I should have read back in the day, I am realizing that there really is some life-enriching value to these classics.  They help me see the world, and the world's problems through different eyes.  As a pastor, I think these new insights can only help me in my understanding others and my attempts to point them to Christ.

But perhaps, like me, you spent your time playing video games instead of doing your english homework... well, I found something for you as well.  You can now play The Great Gatsby video game for NES here: http://greatgatsbygame.com/

Who needs a book when you can throw boomerangs at the waiters and party guests at Gatsby's mansion?

Buddy's #5 Steve Jobs by Walter Issacson

After both Mark and Ron made this book one of their top reads for 2011 I knew that I had to read it. I know that not even their man crushes on Steve Jobs could move it up that high in their minds if it wasn't an intriguing read.

This book impacted me more than I expected. Getting to know the life of another always increases compassion and understanding. Job's character flaws are well known and he didn't seem to care that much about them other than a little regret in quiet moments of reflection. As I longed for Job's to know Jesus towards the end of the book it caused me to reflect on the lives of many others around me and how there is still the opportunity to tell them of the Good News of Jesus Christ.

One of the things that came out over and over was Job's ability to get people to do things that they thought were impossible and over and over in his career people were able to meet seemingly impossible goals.

A paraphrase of Job's thinking, "Act like you can do something and it will work. Pretend to be completely in control and people will assume you are."

Job's obviously made a dent in our world in a huge way. When Apple's iTV comes out in 2012 millions more will be impacted by his desire to bring simplicity and peace to technology.

I did walk away from the book encouraged to live a life without regrets and pursue the things that God has before me wholeheartedly.

James 1 comes to mind. "The sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; It's blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business."